Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
