I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
