I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
