Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
