hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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