jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
