I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
