I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
