come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
