We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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