Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
