Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
we're so committed to being not committed
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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