Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
