I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
