Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize