I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
