So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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