Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
