she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
