Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize