Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
