I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Four minutes until I can fart!
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
