Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
foreskin is a definite game changer
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Randomize
