Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
