just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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