So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize