I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize