i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
