Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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