i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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