You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
