dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
