Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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