no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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