Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
