I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
