I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize