It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize