I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
