We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
So vagazzling was a success
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
