I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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