Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
