I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
