I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
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