I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
