This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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