why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Randomize
