It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
