i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
