where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
