I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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