First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
