surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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