mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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