there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
This is the high leading the old right now
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
