Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
