So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
