i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize