It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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