The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
