Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize