After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
