Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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