They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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