Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
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