I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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